As She Watched
by KnowledgeandImagination
Summary: Hinamori Momo's thoughts as she watched the shinigami leave for battle with Aizen. A desicion is made. A sort of prequel to my other story, Final Battles. Hitsuhina implied. I may decide to extend the original oneshot!


I know that this is random. I came up with it in one second when I was brain dead trying to work on my other story. This is connected to my other story, Final Battles…sort of…

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**As She Watched**

The lone feather of a stray bird fluttered softly in the wind. With a gentle finger, Momo reached out and caught it on the tip of her finger. It balanced precariously on the tip, tipping back and forth as if debating on whether or not to flutter away. Such a sight would have normally made the lieutenant smile with careless happiness, but this time, she just sighed heavily, the sigh sending the feather tumbling off her finger and onto the windowsill upon which she sat.

For the hundredth time, Momo wondered…_why?_

Why did no one trust her anymore? No one seemed to think she was sane, nor that she was over Aizen. Everyone just treated her like glass, as if she would break any moment, and with pity.

She hated it, every moment of it. No one believed her.

Not even him…

She supposed that she deserved it though. She had acted like an idiot, believing that piece of paper over her childhood friend. She'd pointed her zanpakutou at him, and even after getting attacked by Aizen, been stupid enough to ask him to rescue Aizen.

The thought made her clench her fists. Rescue a traitor like Aizen? What had she been thinking?

She had come around, waking up from her second sleep, induced Yamamoto. Upon awakening, the truth came crashing down upon her, heavy like the weight of a mountain. She'd cried for many nights, though she never told anyone.

Not for that traitor though. No, never for him again. She cried because she had been an idiot, a fool blinded by Aizen's tricks, like the foolish bug lured into the deadly jaws of the Venus fly trap, unable to see it for what it was, only to find herself trapped.

She cried, and after having no more tears to shed, she cried inwardly. It had hurt. It had hurt so much to admit to herself that Aizen was gone. Even after all the things that he did, she hadn't wanted to believe it, instead denying it with every fiber of her being, pretending that it was Ichimaru Gin who did it. Now she wondered if even Matsumoto was angry with her, for even suggesting that it was all his fault, even if he'd betrayed them too.

The days passed. She was released from the Fourth Division, though many around her still viewed her as to have an unstable mind. She didn't bother correct them, though. She knew she wouldn't be believed.

There was one person that she'd wanted to see, however. One person that she desperately wanted to apologize to, and make aware that she understood now. But every time she saw Toushirou, whether it was in the halls, or, on the rare occasion that she'd had enough nerve to go there, his office, he always seemed to busy, a thin line of a frown upon his face, and his young body sagging with exhaustion of the responsibility of a captain, she'd always loose what little courage she had to say anything. She didn't feel worthy to talk to him anymore. She felt as if she had betrayed him as much as they all were by the three captains. She'd always come up with an excuse for being there, mutter a small greeting, and run away, berating herself for being such a coward.

She closed herself off from everyone, and retreated. She was tired of everything. She ignored the whispers and looks she received as she moved about, and concentrated on the task at hand.

Preparing for war with the man that was the center of all their problems.

Every day, with out fail, at dawn, or at dusk, when no one was about, she'd be on the training fields, working on new techniques. Her skills steadily improved. She supposed that in a way, she used training to distract her from real life, for every time she felt the thrill of Tobiume's power, and the force of her own reiatsu rippling through her, the exhilaration always knocked all thought from her mind.

She supposed that Toushirou felt the same way, as she never failed to sense Hyourinmaru's power coming from the tenth division barracks just as she finished with her own training.

And so, the days passed, everyone training for war, doing their (much hated) paperwork, and then many laughing and going down to the bars for a drink, or in the case of poor people like Toushirou, getting stuck doing paperwork that his lieutenant _conveniently_ forgets to do. Every day the same, and though they were working hard, and knew that the war was drawing closer, no one voiced their fear, all trying to act as if nothing was wrong, and this was just another simple hollow mission coming up.

Then came that day. The day when it was rumored that the Soutaichou had asked Urahara Kisuke to set up a senkaimon that can allow captains to pass through without getting a limiter put on them. As well, Yamamoto also ordered a fake Karakura Town be set up and the real one moved, so that captains can fight there without restraint. Everyone knew that at last, war was upon them.

"And so, the Soutaichou has ordered that second division's lieutenant Omaeda Marechiyou, seventh division's lieutenant Iba Tetsuzaemon, tenth division's lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku, along with myself accompany the captains through the gate to meet with Aizen's forces." Sasakibe told them at the next lieutenants meeting.

"Yes! I did it! Woot! I get to be on the front lines!" Omaeda shouted in triumph, while the others all wearily ignored him. While Omaeda celebrated, Sasakibe said, "You may leave to get ready."

The aforementioned lieutenants filed out, Omaeda still doing a victory "dance".

Sasakibe addressed the remaining lieutenants. "Now, as we have Abarai-fukutaichou and Kusajishi-fukutaichou in Hueco Mundo, and thirteenth division having no lieutenant, Yamamoto-soutaichou has also ordered that third division's lieutenant Kira Izuru, ninth division's lieutenant and acting captain Hisagi Shuhei, as well as eleventh division's third seat Madarame Ikkaku, and fifth seat Ayasegawa Yumichika to guard the four pillars that keep the real Karakura town in Soul Society. You are to report to the Soutaichou at once for further instructions."

The said lieutenants, along with Ikkaku and Yumichika, who at last knew why they' been called to the lieutenant's meeting, filed out of the room.

"Wait!" said Nanao with annoyance, as she and Momo had been the only one's left with no instructions. "What about me and Hinamori-chan?"

Sasakibe looked uncomfortable. "Umm…well…you see, Ise-fukutaichou…your captain requested that you stay back so as to, and I quote, 'not let my sweet Nanao get hurt, or her loveliness might be tainted'"

One could practically see Nanao's anger meter rise up to a dangerous level. She stood up, feigning calm and cool control. "I understand. Thank you, Sasakibe-fukutaichou. I shall go have a word with my captain."

With a stiff nod, Nanao swept out of the room. One really had to feel sorry for Kyouraku Shunsui at the moment.

Sasakibe turned to Momo. "I'm sorry, Hinamori-fukutaichou, the Soutaichou did not leave any reason for you to stay behind. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you," he added unconvincingly.

Momo nodded stiffly, and rose and left the room as well. She knew exactly why she had not been included in any of the plans. Yamamoto simply did not trust her. He either thought that she would break, and not be able to face Aizen, or even betray them.

For a moment, anger rose up in her. Why was everyone so determined to think that she wasn't fine?

She paused for a moment, debating within herself. At last, she made up her mind. She would go directly to appeal to Yamamoto.

Sure of her decision, she turned toward that direction, hearing vaguely in the distance what sounded like the unmistakable yelling of a certain eighth division lieutenant, the sound of something heavy hitting someone's skull, and the not unexpected whine of, "but dearest Nanao-chan!"

Momo shook her head, and continued her way. When she found herself at the giant doors of the first division, she found to her surprise the door slightly open. She saw in the crack the unmistakable tuft of silver hair.

"…and be sure to stay back in the beginning. Only attack the espada unless absolutely necessary. We cannot afford to lose our captains so soon. Do not attack Aizen right away, Hitsugaya-taichou, however much you may want to."

"I understand, Soutaichou."

And suddenly, Toushirou was at the door, staring at Momo in almost as much surprise as she stared at him. "Mo-Hinamori?"

'Ah…Hitsugaya-ku-err..taichou! I didn't expect to see you here!"

He gave her an odd look. "Neither did I," he said carefully, his cold turquoise eyes scrutinizing her carefully. "I missed the captain's meeting because I was told to assist Urahara with the positioning of Karakura town. What are you doing?"

"I…er…just wanted to ask the Soutaichou something!" she said quickly, wanting to avoid the whole truth. Toushirou scrutinized her some more, but nodded, and without a word, walked away.

Momo looked after the retreating tenth division kanji. Somehow, the fact that he hadn't said much to her and looked at her so suspiciously made her heart ache. _Had we really grown so far apart? Do you not trust me anymore…Hitsugaya-kun?_

Shaking her head from the thoughts, she turned back to the doors in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the spacious room.

"Hinamori-fukutaichou," Yamamoto said, his voice not surprised at all.

Momo knelt. "Forgive my intrusion, Soutaichou, but I'd like to request that I be allowed to enter the battle as well."

"I'm sorry, fukutaichou. I cannot allow that."

Momo looked up in shock, stunned at his immediate decision and the firmness behind it. "But soutaichou-"

"I am perfectly aware that you are able, Hinamori-fukutaichou, but Seireitei needs shinigami as well, in case Aizen's forces do break past us into it. You will be needed to defend it," his tone was firm, and obviously invited no argument. Not that Momo was going to give up that easily. "But Soutaichou! I promise! I'm over the Aizen incident! I don't think of him any more than the enemy! I won't-"

"Hold your tongue, lieutenant!" Yamamoto boomed, and Momo immediately sealed her lips, fear crossing her face. "I am aware that you think yourself able. But you have proven when you spoke to Hitsugaya-taichou when he was in the world of the living that you aren't completely healed yet. While I am sure you are over Aizen now, it doesn't mean that you'll be completely ready to face him. And as I said before, you are needed here to defend Seireitei! That is your duty, and so you must do it!"

Momo recognized in his tone that the matter was closed. She felt a moment of frustration, but bowed her head respectfully and said quietly, "Yes sir."

As Momo left the first division barracks, she felt weary and depressed, not even having enough humor to smile as she saw Matsumoto streaking past her, laughing her head off while in the distance there came the familiar yell of "MATSUMOTO!!!"

She felt bitter. She knew that Yamamoto had made up that duty on the spot. He didn't trust her. She knew that if Aizen's forces were to break into Soul Society, it would mean that he'd already broken past the first line of defense, and also that there would be any point in trying to fight, as it would all be futile anyways, because there was no way they could win if the captains were beaten. No, Yamamoto expected them either to win on the front lines, or all be killed.

Which brought her to her place at the windowsill at the moment, having just seen her officers off. She watched with a heavy heart as the shinigami bustled about, getting ready to leave and rushing toward the senkaimon. She let her eyes focus on the feather, but not really see it, as she listened to the excited voices of the less experienced Shinigami, and the more experienced yelling at them to move along. She watched as the white coats of the remaining captains moved toward the senkaimon as well, a stoic air about them. Without realizing it, she found herself searching for that one small white-haired figure with the kanji for ten on the back of his haori. She frowned slightly when she couldn't find him in the crowd (she was sure that she couldn't have just missed him. After all, small, white haired captains were hard to miss). She did see Matsumoto, however, running past in the distance, calling out, "Taichou!" but Toushirou was nowhere to be seen.

"Hinamori."

Momo turned in shock to see Toushirou_,_ Hyourinmaru strapped to his back, and standing behind her. Usually, she'd have shrieked and began ranting about how he always sneaks up on her, but right now, she was feeling to down to do much more than widen her eyes in surprise and murmur, "Hitsugaya-kun…"

He shook his head. "It's Hitsugaya-taichou, remember?" When she didn't answer, he sighed and said, "Never mind. I just came to say goodbye."

He looked at her carefully as she nodded, her face displaying no emotion. He sighed, a sad look in his eyes. It was obvious that he still thought that she believed Aizen to be good. He turned to leave. "Well, bye then. We're going into battle with Aizen, and they could end up here." He watched her carefully as he said that name, but her face didn't change. "But…I'm sure we'll manage. Just promise me something though." He paused, then said, "Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger, Momo. Please, don't do anything rash."

As he was about to leave, he heard a small, "Okay. Be careful, Toushirou."

He turned and nodded to her stiffly. He looked at her, his turquoise eyes sweeping over her, a strange look in them. For a moment she was sure that he was about to say something, but the next moment, he had exited the room, leaving Momo to stare blankly at the door as he left.

Outside, though she didn't turn around, she heard Matsumoto suddenly yell, "There you are, taichou! I've been looking for you! We're all ready to go, and you go disappearing on us! Where were you?"

"What does it matter? I was just saying goodbye to Hinamori."

There was a silence, which Matsumoto broke by saying, "That's all? you didn't tell her everything? You know that this could be the last time you see her. Why didn't you tell her things like that you lo-"

"Shut up Matsumoto!" Toushirou snapped, and Momo knew that he'd just become rather agitated. "This isn't the time for stupid things like that. I'm not going to burden her with anything." A pause, then, "I know that this may be the last time I see her. That's why I wanted to say goodbye."

Momo heard the two walk away. She sat, unmoving, for what seemed like eternity, even after all the voices of the shinigami had faded. She was barely aware that tears had gathered in her eyes, even when one rolled down her cheeks and hit her lap. That was one thing that she'd tried to push out of her mind for many days now. That every time that she saw Toushirou could be the last. And now he was leaving for war, and she was staying behind, and they really were likely never to see each other again.

And yet even at this last meeting, Toushirou hadn't wanted to burden her. Even though she was such a burden to him, he was still trying not to burden her. But it hurt her terribly that he couldn't confide in her his feelings as he left. This was the last time they may ever see each other, and he wouldn't tell her what was on his mind (she has no idea what Rangiku was talking about). Perhaps he really didn't trust her any more.

Perhaps the real reason she'd wanted to enter battle so badly, was to prove to him above all that she had healed. And perhaps a little part of her, aside from wanting revenge upon Aizen like everyone else, wanted that if they were to die, to die together, on the same field, in the same battle. She didn't want to stay back, left in the dark about what was happening, and wondering what could be going on, and fearing. She knew that it was selfish of her, but she couldn't help it.

But now, it seemed that it was all impossible.

_**Is that really true, Momo?**_

She gasped. "Tobiume?" she asked tentatively. She heard her zanpakutou clucking her tongue. _**Tsk, tsk, who else could it be, Momo?**_

She wanted to slap herself. Of-course, who else could that voice be? No one else was in the room. "What do you mean?"

_**I mean, do you really think that the best choice is to stay back? I'm not saying that going to the front lines is smart, but Yamamoto isn't always right either. All I'm saying is that Soul Society needs all the help they can get right now, and if you really want something, you should do something about it, instead of just sitting here and dreaming about it.**_

Momo pondered Tobiume's words. What was it that she really wanted? She really wanted to go out there and fight. But to do that would be to go against Yamamoto's orders. And it would be breaking her promise to Toushirou.

_No really, though. Just waiting here, I'm in just as much danger as everyone else. If Aizen breaks in here, then we're all dead. I think I'd rather fight with everyone else, rather than wait here. It might actually be safer._

_What I really want, is to go out there and fight, and prove myself. I really want that. Tobiume's right. I shouldn't be letting Yamamoto-soutaichou stop me. Soul Society needs every bit of help, and I may actually be of some use._

_**So Momo, have you made up your mind?**_

Momo looked over at Tobiume, leaning against the wall. She walked over to it, and picked it up, fingering the hilt. "Yes, I have."

She ran through Seireitei, hiding her reiatsu as she went, but no one was about to see her anyways. She knew that the senkaimon must have closed by now. But it didn't matter, because she knew there was another way.

"What a surprise! You must be Hinamori Momo, lieutenant of the Fifth!" said the hat and clog wearing man, waving a fan at her. Beside him was an attractive dark skinned woman, who looked at her with cat-like eyes. The man spoke again. "What can I do to help you today, lieutenant?"

"Please, I need a senkaimon to go to the Fake Karakura town!"

The man looked at her carefully, then smiled. "Going against orders now? Just the way I like to do things."

As Momo watched the gate light up and walked into it, she felt her heart pounding against her chest. She thanked Urahara and stepped through. She knew that she was likely going to get into a lot of trouble for this, or she might even be killed, but she didn't care. She wanted to fight, and she was tired of other people telling her what to do.

She was going to face Aizen, and when she did, she was going to show him, and everyone else, that she was no longer the weak, unstable Hinamori of the last few months. No, she was Hinamori-fukutaichou, leader of fifth division, and no longer just a weak girl.

She was going to fight with everyone else. She was going to fight at Toushirou's side, and maybe, after everything, she can tell him how truly sorry she was.

And if she died, she would die knowing that she had tried to bring Aizen down, and knowing that she'd shown everyone just who she was.

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Okay, that seriously came from nowhere. I'm just tired of reading all these fics where she still believes in Aizen and all that. Also, I was probably feeling angsty. Yeah, that's more like me blabbing than an actual story, but as I said, it _sort _of connects to my other story, Final Battles. If you've read it, you might know where it fits in.

This was a lousy attempt at an oneshot, so bear with me. Please review to let me know what you thought, but please don't flame it. I'm a sensitive person.

Now, I must go and finish my other story. Thanks for reading!


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